What Self-Care Means to Me and Why It’s So Important to Define Ourselves Beyond Parenting or Work

Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season with your family and friends. I’m sure like my holiday it was fun yet hectic and heartwarming yet stressful. Although core memories were made I am sure there is a sigh of relief it’s over and life can be a "little less" hectic. I want to take this time to talk about prioritizing yourself over the next few weeks so you can recuperate from the last few months. Self-care gets talked about a lot, but for me, it’s about finding those small things that help me recharge—mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s about carving out time to do something for myself so that I don’t get burnt out or lose myself in my many roles and responsibilities. It may seem like a luxury, but I’ve learned it’s necessary for myself and my family.

You do not find the happy life. You make it - Benjamin Franklin

Why Self-Care Matters

I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, but when I neglect it, I see the negative impact on my family. Stress creeps beyond management, everything starts to feel overwhelming, and it builds and builds until I erupt. But when I take even a little time to reset, it makes a huge difference in my ability to be calm and create a happy safe environment for my family. Here’s what I’ve noticed:

• Mental clarity: When I take a moment to slow down, my mind feels clearer. I’m less anxious and more in control of how I handle everything life throws.

• Physical well-being: Simple things like walking or doing a quick workout help me feel better physically and bring my stress level down. And when I feel good, I’m less stressed and not moody. I notice I’m sick less or I get better quicker when I take care of myself.

• Emotional balance: Self-care gives me space to process my feelings. Journaling or sitting quietly helps me manage the emotions that build up. When I’m a calmer parent, I feel good about myself because I’m not harshly reacting and I don’t get that guilt of hurting my child. 

Defining Ourselves Beyond Parenting or Work

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is how important it is to see myself as more than just a parent or an employee. Don’t get me wrong—being a parent is so rewarding and work is fulfilling. But those things aren’t all I am. I have passions, interests, and dreams outside of those roles, and nurturing them helps me feel more like me. Here’s why I think it’s so important to define ourselves beyond just what we do at work or home:

• We’re more than our responsibilities: Parenting and work are huge parts of my life, but they don’t define me completely. I’m a whole person with hobbies and interests that deserve attention too.

• Creating balance: Focusing only on work or family can be exhausting. But I feel more balanced and fulfilled when I do the things I love.

• Setting an example: I want my kids to see that it’s okay to prioritize yourself sometimes. By showing them that I take time for my own self-care and friendships, I’m teaching them that it’s important to value their own well-being too.

• Preventing burnout: When I take time to do the things that bring me joy, I feel recharged. That way, I’m not running on empty—I have more to give when I return to my responsibilities.

Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself First

Taking time for ourselves doesn’t have to be big or time-consuming to make a difference. Even in small ways, I’ve found a few simple ways to prioritize myself that help me feel more balanced and energized. Here are some ideas that have worked for me:

• Start your day with a small ritual: Whether it’s sipping coffee in peace, journaling, or taking five minutes to stretch, starting my day with a small ritual can set a positive tone for the rest of the day.

• Take mini-breaks throughout the day: Giving myself a few minutes to step outside or breathe deeply can work wonders. These little pauses help me reset and come back to whatever I’m doing with more focus.

• Move your body: Physical movement, something as simple as a 10-minute walk, lifts my mood and energizes me. Find something you enjoy—whether it’s a dance workout, a yoga session, or a quick stretch.

• Limit screen time for relaxation: Sometimes, it’s easy to scroll mindlessly on my phone, thinking it’s a break, but it’s stimulating to the brain. The same thing goes for TV time. I find it’s more refreshing to choose a screen-free option when I am feeling overwhelmed. 

• Make time for a hobby or interest: Even if it’s for 15 minutes, doing something that’s “just for me” keeps me connected to my own identity. Right now I am enjoying those paint-by-number kits.

• Connect with others: Sometimes self-care is about connecting with people who lift us up. Meeting a friend for coffee or calling a family member can provide a huge boost, I feel understood and supported.

• Say “no” when needed: Learning to say “no” without guilt has been a game-changer. By saying “no” to extra tasks or obligations, I’m saying “yes” to things that genuinely matter to me and protect my energy.

• Get enough rest: Prioritizing rest and quality sleep isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the simplest ways I’ve found to take care of myself. When I'm rested, I know I’m a better, more patient version of myself.

Self-care doesn’t have to mean a full day at the spa (though that’s nice too!). It’s the small, daily choices that help us take care of ourselves first and stay connected to who we are beyond our roles.

Finding Time and Making It A Priority

I understand the busyness of family life – how are you supposed to find time to take care of yourself? One way is to shift one's thinking that it's a necessity and not a luxury. Make the time for self-care because it makes you a better mother, partner, friend, and employee. Here are some ideas that have worked for me:

• Schedule it on the calendar: To ensure I prioritize myself, I schedule self-care activities in my calendar so I actually do them. I schedule small physical or self-care activities for each day, schedule hobbies at least once a week, plan to meet up with a friend once a month, and have a date night every other month. When I have it on the calendar, it's more likely it'll happen.

• Plan quiet times: To combat our busy culture and to schedule rest for my family, I plan quiet times so we have time to pursue our own interests, be creative, and even be bored sometimes. What this looks like in our life: I like to set up a sensory activity for my daughter to do while she unwinds from school and I unwind from work. I plan for an hour of quiet time every weekend and at least once a month I plan for a Saturday or Sunday to stay home. Quiet time ensures we rest from all the busyness of life (there are many studies about how boredom and rest are healthy for children).

• Be in a partnership: Whether you have a partner or husband, your significant other should be helping you make time for yourself. Maybe it's taking turns watching the kids so you can go out and enjoy an art class that you've always wanted to.

Don't treat self-care as a nice to have and fit it in when you can, but as a priority that has to happen. Whatever your responsibilities are, you are better when you are happy, rested, and healthy.

Conclusion

Self-care, to me, is about more than pampering—it’s about making sure I’m okay mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s also about staying connected to who I am beyond being a parent or an employee. By doing this, I find more fulfillment in life, and I show up better for the people I care about most.

The airlines have a valid point when they tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping your child. We should take care of our needs first so we can take care of our children’s needs. What if you pass out before helping your child? Now you are both in danger, and that’s what it’s like for your child when you are running on fumes. Yes you are there to take care of them, but are you truly present and good to be around?

I know as parents, we’re always taking care of others. But self-care is about ensuring we don’t get lost in the shuffle. When I make time for myself, I can better show up in all the other areas of my life, whether as a parent, partner, or professional. Remember that self-care is an essential part of living a happy balanced life. You matter too.